There are far too many women who feel stuck in their careers, unable to step into their full potential because they believe they lack confidence. This belief frustrates me immensely because it’s simply not true. You already have everything you need to make a powerful impact. What’s really getting in the way isn’t a lack of confidence, it’s something else entirely.
I want to break this down for you, so let’s get straight into it.
It’s Not Confidence That’s Holding You Back
Many of the women I coach come to me saying they feel stuck in their careers. They want to advance, speak up, make a change, sometimes even leave HR altogether, but they feel they lack the confidence to do so.
Here’s how this “lack of confidence” tends to show up:
- Not speaking up in meetings
- Over-preparing and second-guessing every detail
- Procrastinating due to perfectionism
- Staying in unfulfilling or toxic work environments for too long
- Turning down growth opportunities because they don’t feel “ready”
Does any of that sound familiar? If so, I want to challenge you to reconsider what’s actually going on.
The Dangerous Confidence-Competence Trap
Society has conditioned us to equate confidence with competence. If someone looks confident, we assume they’re competent. But the truth is, there is no actual link between the two.
Women in particular walk a tightrope. If we’re not confident enough, we’re overlooked. If we appear too confident, we risk being labeled as arrogant. Many women I work with resist talking about their achievements because they don’t want to come across as bragging. But this reluctance is holding us back from being seen, recognised, and valued for our contributions.
So What’s REALLY Holding You Back?
It’s not confidence – it’s fear of the outcome.
Confidence, in my definition, is simply the willingness to try with the faith that you’ll be okay, no matter the outcome.
And here’s where we get stuck: the outcome.
- “What if I fail?”
- “What if people judge me?”
- “What if I look foolish?”
- “What if I get emotional?”
Our brains react to these fears as if they’re life-threatening dangers. But they’re not. Your brain is just trying to protect you from discomfort. And that’s where growth happens – on the other side of discomfort.
How to Overcome Fear and Take Action Anyway
So, if fear is the real issue, how do we move past it?
1. Recognise Your Fear Response
When you catch yourself saying, “I don’t have the confidence,” pause and ask yourself: What am I actually afraid of? Is it rejection? Judgement? Failure? Once you name it, it loses some of its power over you.
2. Take the Leap Anyway
Waiting to feel confident before you act is a trap. Confidence comes after you take action, not before. Every time you push through discomfort and survive, your brain learns: Oh, I can do this!
3. Reframe Your Self-Talk
Start affirming what’s already true about you. Try telling yourself:
- I am capable.
- I can do brave things.
- I have every right to step into my full potential.
Your brain will believe what you consistently tell it.
4. Learn and Adjust Without Internalising Failure
Your first attempt at something new won’t be perfect. That’s okay! Learn from it, adjust, and try again. Growth isn’t about avoiding failure, it’s about using it as a stepping stone.
You Are Already More Capable Than You Think
Women constantly prove their resourcefulness, resilience, and capability in their daily lives and work. The challenge is applying that same courage to your own career goals.
So, next time fear tries to hold you back, remind yourself: Confidence isn’t the issue. Fear is. And you can move through fear. One step at a time.
Need Extra Support?
If you’re ready to break free from what’s holding you back, I’m offering free 30-minute Confidence Boost sessions to help you get unstuck. We’ll identify your biggest blocker and create a simple three-step action plan to move you forward. Click here to book your call and get in momentum!
And if you want to be surrounded by like-minded women pushing past their limits, join me at The HR Big Meet. Confidence is one of the biggest challenges we’ll be tackling together in an interactive workshop. Plus, you’ll get to connect with other women who are facing the same challenges as you.
You’ve got this. You are capable. Now go and be unstoppable.
